‘Ealf ‘n’ Safety Gorn Mad!

How many times has some officious sounding dictate been passed to prevent us happy-go-lucky normal folks going about our lives as we see fit. Almost inevitably this is met with cries of “it’s ‘ealf ‘n’ safety gorn mad!” from the tabloids and the mythical ‘man in the street’. Maybe you have even been guilty of this utterance yourself.

A recent occasion that stuck in my mind was when some poor, hapless rail employee refused to help a lady with her pram across a footbridge due to health and safety. Now the problem has come closer to home: Gloucester’s curious but historic tradition of cheese rolling at Cooper’s Hill in Brockworth is under threat.

The health and safety concerns over the cheese rolling are not, as you may expect, based upon the safety of competitors, who recklessly throw themselves down a steep grass bank in pursuit of a cheese. No, the concerns are over the safety of the increasing and unmanageable number of spectators. 

All outrageous, I’m sure you’ll agree. The nanny state should leave us alone: if we want to go around doing dangerous and silly things they should leave us to get on with it shouldn’t they? Well yes, but…  

Let’s just think for a moment shall we. How many of those who are first with the ‘ealf ‘n’ safety gorn mad’ cry are also the first, should they trip on an un-even paving slab, slip on a wet floor or, indeed, get hit in the head with a stray lump of Double Gloucester cheese, to reach for the phone to call Injury Lawyers for You or some other cynical ambulance chasing law firm in search of a pay-out?

As a nation we seem to have become so litigious that nobody dares do anything lest they are sued for their trouble. That is why the rail guard couldn’t carry the pram over the bridge: can you imagine what would have happened if he had dropped it?

So there you have it; I fear it is not Health and Safety that’s gone mad at all, it’s us.


About Darrel Kirby

I am what I am.
This entry was posted in Rants & Random Musings and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to ‘Ealf ‘n’ Safety Gorn Mad!

  1. Ian says:

    Whilst Reading this on my phone I stubbed my toe on the stair which has caused me a lifetime of pain. This led me to use a very very rude word in the presence of my young children who have been emotionally scarred for life. My wife is looking at me with despair, her eyes screaming ‘put down that bloody phone’, this is making me upset and creating a rift between us which may never be healed and could ultimately lead to the breakdown of our marriage and family unit.

    I calculate that you owe me about £12,500,000.

    Cash or Paypal accepted.

    • darrelkirby says:

      In my defence I would have to cite the following factors:
      1. you are inherently clutsy
      2. your profanity is a much wider problem than this single incident and, frankly, is the least of your children’s problems
      3. your wife always looks at you like that – and with good reason.
      I therefore conclude that my blog was not culpable and am confident that a jury of my peers would move to acquit.
      You could go ahead anyway with a no win no fee lawyer, but bear in mind that you would have to talk to that lawyer and no amount of showering would make you feel clean again!

  2. Jan says:

    Yes well, as a Brockworth girl, I am incensed.

    I can’t put it better than Pie Society, who on the Citizen website said “You cannot stop a man that wants to chase cheese down a hill.”

    It should take place. Even if it means contestants turning up in camo gear and balaclavas at the crack of dawn. Tradition is tradition.

    • darrelkirby says:

      Despite being a Brockworth lad I have never been brave or daft enough to throw myself down a steep bank after a chees. However, if it is to be a guerilla event I may be tempted….

  3. Rant says:

    I think if somebody wants to throw themselves down a hill after a bit of cheese, they should be encouraged.
    How else are we going to get rid of them.
    Darrell, I am consulting my lawyer very soon. We are meeting in a place called ‘Candies’ which promises groin grinding for under a tenner. Whatever that means?

  4. Pingback: Don’t Stop the Carnival « Darrel Kirby's Blog

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