My mind is a strange place and when left unsupervised it tends to wander off into bizarre and unpredictable places. Often, it comes up with what I like to thinks of as humour, but normally I keep it to myself for fear that it is closer to insanity.
I am not sure, therefore, why I choose to make these random outpourings the subject of my blog which, theoretically at least, anyone could read. Luckily, not many people actually do read it, so hopefully we can keep it as our little secret and the mental health authorities need not get involved.
Perhaps everyone’s mind secretly works like this, but I’m not convinced. Clearly the people of Andover in Hampshire don’t think like me. This is where my wife lived before she moved to Gloucester, and the first time I went there to visit her parents I decided I wanted to live there. Not because I particularly liked the place, nice though it is, but because I wanted to open up a shop in the town selling boxing supplies. No, I’m not particularly into boxing either, I just wanted to open a shop called Andover Fist. The fact that no such shop exists there already is a clear sign that the good people of Andover do not think like me.
Another example is a pub called the Rock Inn near Symonds Yat in the forest of Dean. If I owned that pub I would have to own a horse just so I could sell the manure. It would be advertised on a big board outside the pub, which would read: “Rock Inn horse muck for sale”. Of course, I would not sell it very often; it would be very rare.
These are just two examples that occur to me off the top of my head, but they happen all the time. The reason that I mention it now is that the latest incarnation of this particular madness occurred earlier in the week when I was in the shower and found my unsupervised brain riffing with topical ‘Mary had a little lamb’ ditties. Why I do not know, but I was quite pleased with the results and thought I’d share them:
Mary had a little lamb,
She had a pet pig too,
They got along as best of friends,
Until the lamb went down with swine flu.
Mary had a little lamb
It’s field needed fences,
Because she was an MP’s wife
She claimed it on expenses.
I apologise unreservedly for this blog and will try not to let it happen again!